"Opt-Out Mom" Stories from ReadersI'll be the first to write my "Opt-Out Mom" story but mine may not be a typical scenario. I was an investment banker for five years with an MBA under my belt when low and behold, I got pregnant earlier in my career than expected. No problem, I thought, I can do it all like Diane Keaton in Baby Boom. The phone started ringing six weeks after I had my baby boy with pleas from my boss to come back to work. We hired a nineteen-year-old nanny from Utah (who had never left her town of 300 people) and I went back to commuting to NYC. Six heartbreaking months later, my husband calls me with an ultimatum: the nanny has to go and someone has to stay home with our child. Of course, I opted out... Babies need their mommies and mine hadn't had his since he was three months old. Our income was reduced by half, we realized we couldn't afford living in the house we bought and we decided that what was more important was a happy family and time with our children rather than the big house and fancy cars. Needless to say, we moved to a smaller house, in a smaller town, I joined my family's business after the boys started school and have never been happier with my life. I wonder if I had the choice, would I go back to banking? Probably not, though I do miss some of the things I took for granted when I was earning the income! I also believe that opting-out can be a way to opt-in to a happier life. Carolyn James McDonough When I was 29 years old, I opted out of an exciting (and financially rewarding) career in investment analysis to follow my ex-husband overseas. The idea was that I would have the opportunity to spend time with our new baby girl and boy during their precious first years of life and then return to work when we repatriated after 18 to 24 months. We ended up remaining as ex-pats for much longer than expected and my first career essentially slipped away. While I loved being with my young children, I had no idea how important the loss of career and working world contacts would be down the road. Divorce occured after we returned to the USA, and I've had to "reinvent" myself and build a new career while managing a home with three young kids. It has been incredibly difficult. In my opinion, women should never completely opt out. It leaves us vulnerable and dependent on our men when we don't need to be. Ladies, if you do decide to stay at home make sure you do it with your own bank account in tact, keep credit cards in your own name, have one vehicle in your own name, the family home mortgage should have you as the primary borrower............do you understand my point. You don't know who you can trust or what is coming down the road good or bad. Make sure you can survive it - your kids are counting on you. Here is my story. I was a driven person, going through college with my sights
set on wall street. I made it there, only to find the lifestyle it afforded me
would never support having a family. If I was going to be a banker and a mother,
I would have to find not only a husband, but a wife as well! I found the same to
be true of my career as a lawyer a few years later. Finally, I gave up and
became a stay home mom. I loved being with my three kids, but I missed work and
being productive in the outside world. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of
conventional jobs that allowed me a great deal of flexibility to be with my kids
and I really valued that. So I started writing, as a hobby, but with a clear
goal of building it into a career. I feel so lucky that my plan worked! This is
not at all the job I envisioned for myself years ago, but I love it. And being a
stay home mom helped me find it. There are no easy answers for women. We still
bear the majority of work in the home, and yet we are being told that staying
home is merely perpetuating this problem. What are we to do? I guess what we
have been - struggling, worrying, playing catch-up and improvising. I love
hearing about the lives of women and hope the women in Four Wives will
have something for everyone to relate to! |